We Do Not Hide Abuse
Keeping silent about abuse only gives the bully more power
6/29/20242 min read
"Posting videos and your relationship troubles on social media is not helping your relationship in any sort of way."
That is a direct quote from the ex-wife of my (ex?) boyfriend in regards to me posting a live video to my Facebook page of him screaming at me, belittling me and telling my kids that they don't deserve an evil mother like myself. While he had many and different reasons for frequently telling me that I was "evil", in this particular instance it was because I hadn't given my 6 year old a second hug before I left to take her older brother to work and we were running late. Yes. I had only given her ONE hug and kiss....which, in his opinion at the time, was pure evil. My children were terrified by his raging, as I begged him to please stop acting this way in front of the kids. When he refused to stop, I pulled out my phone and went Live.
This whole abusive tirade was all because I told him that I felt we weren't compatible because I was tired of the frequent verbal abuse. These rages of his got to be so bad that the police were called out multiple times to diffuse the situation....sometimes being called by worried neighbors who saw and heard his egregious behavior. Was it kind of me to post the video? I really don't care. If he didn't want the world to see his abuse, he shouldn't have done it. Period. (The deeper reason for his raging outbursts is that he has unhealed childhood traumas...but I will not continue to accept abuse and make excuses for an abuser who refuses to do the inner work and get professional help.)
I have been blogging about all aspects my life for 16 years, including when I left my abusive marriage of almost 20 years back in 2019. I have helped countless women understand that they don't have to hide in the darkness, ashamed to come forward that they are being abused. So often we feel humiliated that we aren't living the fairytale life we dreamed about. We're embarrassed to admit defeat. Some feel weak for being afraid to leave an abusive partner.
But that quote from an ex-wife up there? That's a big reason why women feel alone and isolated. Because we're taught to keep it to ourselves. That shining a light on the abuse only makes things worse. Wrong. Wrong. WRONG. Our abusers get their power from hiding in the shadows. When we are too afraid to speak their atrocities out loud. If nothing else, us women need to stop perpetuating the belief that abuse needs to stay hidden in order to "keep the peace" or "heal the relationship".
So let me say this loud and clear to the next man who feels that he has the right to abuse me in any way, shape or form: I will shine a light on your horrific behavior. Your friends will know. Your employer will see the behavior that you like to keep hidden away from the public eye. I will let your mother see what kind of beast you can be. I will not hide in the shadows, hoping that my silence will convince you to be a better person. If you wanted me to speak better of you, you should have treated me better.